modaspia

life

Ursula Dean

warning - this is one of those posts with no direction at all.  i played a game with my daughter once, asking her what she would want to do and with whom if she could sort of live out one day eternally.  it was a very loose thought, spontaneous.  her answer had something to do with disneyland and her family, thankfully.  she asked me what i'd want to do and i said i'd want to be at the library in oakland with both of my children, they'd be little again and it would be raining outside.  the nostalgia of something we did years ago sticks with me and at times feels like a comfort. 
yesterday i was a mess.  all day.  work was all over the map, a thousands things to take care of and a few encounters with buyers that left me feeling empty.  to make it crazier i have 2 companions with me now constantly - the 4 month old puppy and lexi, who just suffered through hip surgery a week ago.  yesterday i was actually carrying a bolt of fabric over one shoulder, pulled by 2 dogs with the "free hand".  when i picked up my daughter from school i asked her if she wanted to go to the library and sit on the grass.  it is a modest library with a beautiful spread of grass, on top of hill, with a tree that's growing sideways.  anyway .. i started to tell my poor 10 year old my woes and of course broke into tears, something i'm not proud of but it happens .. she is an amazing child.  we had a good talk and arrived at the library.  once inside i felt that calmness again.  she picked out some chapter books and we indulged in some picture books (jan brett - gingerbread baby!) even though she's probably too old for them.  i found 2 novels for myself and we went out to the grass to lay down for awhile. 
i was tempted to skip my taekwondo class last night but i didn't and i'm glad.  when i woke up this morning i had 100 ideas how to fix modaspia.  more on that later.  u. xo
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6 comments

  • Just catching up with you. I miss library days and napping together days so much I’m ready to be a grandmother already so I can do it again. (Shh. Our secret!) I’m glad you’re feeling good. You’re such a wonderful lovely inspirational beautiful human! xo

    Jenifer

  • betty – xo
    well said ..

    ursula

  • i sometimes say, “i wish i could start you all over again,” and he sometimes gets annoyed at me when i say it. if g were little again you couldn’t have that “good talk.” and just think of all the ones to come… it gets better and better. i’m looking forward to hearing about your new inspiration. and a speedy recovery to lexi!

    betty

  • thanks you two .. xo

    ursula

  • I loved my times at the library when my children were young. Refuge. Nesting. Quiet. Glad you went to your class. Xx

    Mary


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