modaspia

closeness

i was watching this movie the other night, girl with green eyes (1964) with rita tushingham and peter finch cast as unlikely lovers.  a coming of age movie about - well getting closer both emotionally and physically.  she works in a busy shop downtown with lots of people bustling in and out.  he is a writer and a loner and twice her age.  when they meet sort of by accident outside his house, she does a full double take.  they both feel something but he is reluctant to act on it until she's made every effort to see him as often as possible for tea, for a walk.  tea with toast with pouring rain outside.  all very english .. i love those kind of romantic stories.  they are both amazing actors, pulling you in to their love problems easily.  in the end .. well suffice to say we see her pulling away at the bow of a ship looking for him below to wave goodbye. 

nice to watch something of that bustling world with chance encounters on tv anyway.  and glad to have a julian barnes book i checked out from the library just a few days before california went to shelter in place.  i've had time to really sort out the house.  spent most of yesterday in the sunshine with the dogs clearing leaves and checking on everything coming up for spring now - tulips, icelandic poppies, crocus.  there is more time to hold a conversation with my kids. no one is rushing off somewhere anymore.  i feel sorry for my son, who is really in love with this girl.  we had her over for dinner with her sister and parents a few days before the shelter in place and they held hands at the table the entire time.  we had candles lit, flowers, the pretty silverware my mother-in-law gave me.  i ran out that day in the rain to buy wine glasses at an antique shop because i didn't have any.  they're beautiful and her dad even noticed them.  it was a nice evening and i'm glad we had it because things pretty much turned upside down socially (and economically) a couple of days later.

i know everyone has their own set of worries right now, i sure do.  mine are not as pressing as some people's but more pressing than some i think.  it's all a pretty big mess.  i read this morning that if everyone in this country were to stay 6 ft apart for 2 weeks without any exceptions that would be the end of it.  beaches and parks are croweded to the point they're considering closing them now.  people are just anxious to get out somewhere.  i was talking to my husband about the possibility of taking my camping trailer up to the woods for a night, off grid.  just to be away someplace quiet and smell the woods.

modaspia is on a precarious rollercoaster right now with brick and mortar stores shuttering, laying off employees, relying on internet sales in a time when people are really not that interested, understandably.  lots of wholesale orders on standby .. or cancelling?  i don't  know.  i spent a lot of money (plus a good chunk in loans) to produce this spring collection which did so well.  i can only take one day at a time and hope that at some point in the future here clothes will make their way out to each of these shops again. 

i was in colorado very recently for a couple of weeks helping my parents finish packing up their house in order to show it and sell it and make the move out here.  we seemed to be on a pretty good trajectory, unaware of how that would change soon.  it was so good to see them, be with them.  it was exhausting working everyday from sun up to sun down but we'd always finish the day with a big dinner and drinks and watch something on tv together.  the news during the day was non-stop virus-related.  how could i not see this next step coming.  when i got back to california their house started to show, there was interest.  i'd found a house out here for them i love (a beautiful craftsman style house).  things were falling into place then everything came to a halt pretty much.  showings slowed.  their open house was cancelled. etc.

i know .. just wait it out.  both my parents need me right now though .. both have health issues.  my mom is really doing everything at this point and it's a lot for her.  because of her own long term health issues she is someone who absolutely cannot get this virus.  they are both in their mid-seventies as well.  it's just a mess, i wish they were already out here in this beautiful craftsman with the pretty backyard full of cherry trees in full bloom.  wish i was bringing them coffee and groceries so they could stay in.  it's just 5 minutes from my home too.  instead they're in a house that is completely packed up, which becomes confusing after awhile.  where is this?  where is that?  oh yeah, in the garage in a box :<  for now, we talk on the phone 3 times a day and sort through ideas.

another beautiful day in california today.  gorgeous really.  i have a few more orders to finish up today and ship out this week.  the post office is open.  my studio is empty except for me so no harm there .. i walk the 5 min to work.  the online shop is open of course.  an order miraculously appears most days since the shelter in place.  thank you, each of you, for those orders.  they help A LOT. 

i hope everyone is hanging in there, really.  i'm sorry i don't have answers .. is it helpful to read how someone else is doing?  their set of worries?  i don't know.  thanks for the opportunity to share mine though. u xo

3 comments

Mar 24, 2020

Oh I’m so sorry that your parents aren’t here already and that you’re having stress with business-related stuff on top of it. Sending so much love. xo

Jen Monroe
Mar 23, 2020

lesa – you too, been thinking about you :>

ursula
Mar 23, 2020

💕to you, my friend from afar.

Lesa

Leave a comment